DJ Mike Reid got panned for his supposedly racist cod-reggae number UKIP Calypso. Not racist, it’ just awful beyond belief. Here’s our version which might be equally crap but it’s funny all the same.

We’re the british ruling class
we can’t take a joke
reactionary and racist
the queen’s really a bloke

whilst there’s rapes and muggings
we’ll bust you for a spliff
and we’d never give an OBE
to Amanda Louise Smith

We’ll give knighthoods out to savile
and another one for cliff
there’s even one for cyril
but nowt for mandy smith

we’ll give make a knight of Elton
for his diana parody
but nothing for june sarpong
princess or beverley

there’s an OBEs for ringo
a knighthood for sir paul
but poor old sonia evans
will never win fuck all

there’s a gong for gary barlow
though his tax affairs were rogue
and charlene cos we’re gullible
but not dawn from en vogue

we don’t like those who party
we don’t like those who shirk
and you won’t get in burke’s peerage
if your alexandra burke

if you haven’t got insurance
we’ll tow your car away
but no gongs for you if you advertise it
or cover expose

a peerage for lloyd webber
sir george martin’s ok
but not those stuck in the middle
with miriam and mae

and do your worse to topple us
with anarchistic art
but since we’ve rigged the download counts
it’s never gonna chart

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