A “fan fiction” song about UK tabloid pundit Leo McKinstry and his courageous fight back after doctors had to amputate his head following a fox hunting accident.

Leo

Leo was columist who wrote for the Daily Express
he lost his head in a hunt gone wrong
and found himself in a mess
be Leo, he hung in there
as courageous as a tiger
Now he’s back at his desk and enjoying success
with a new head made from carbon fibre.

It’s make our mind up time on Europe
Leo says, but he’s a fake
He’d only be making his mind up on Europe
If he still possesed a mind to make.

Well the editor’s weren’t keen on this
so this is what they did
they wheeled him into hospital
to be fitted with the head of a pig
At first it looked like going well
but alas no laughing thing
When even Richard Desmond said
“it’s made him too rightwing”.

And that feared, no-nonsence columist
and his new head from a swine
knowing his real body’s in sausages
the pig’s head sought revenge on mankind

Security were called and held
the pig headed writer down
whilst doctors sawed the pig head off
and it rolled along the ground
bug pig’s head bit security
and gave him foot and mouth
Express HQ called Rentokill
to fumigate the place out.

Doctors fitted a new head
that somehow felt just right
it was just the size of a grapefruit
but was flexible and light
instead of teeth a blender
batteries instead of hair
whilst the head will manage three days per charge
alas no mind yet there.